Motivationally Challenged.

at some point in the last 15 years i decided i wanted to become a writer. i’d like to say there was a great revelation, but really i had always been a storyteller – the stories had just remained in my head.

i remember the moment clearly, when i decided that writing was something i loved. it started with a crush on a boy. he sat at the back end of class and i was that girl that always liked to be upfront. i knew there was no way he would ever like me so i wrote about it. poetry – terrible angst filled teen poetry – became a way for me to escape, a way to express feelings that i wasn’t comfortable sharing with anyone.

through poems i became able to share with the world how i felt, even if i couldn’t say it out loud. embarrassingly most of the guys i’ve ever cared about, including some super platonic friends, ended up the subject of my poetry. i wrote poems about voting for the first time, and heartbreak, unrequited love and most recently about being dumped  I’ve wrote of fairy tale endings and friends that disappear from your life.

poetry was my gateway, fiction was the outcome. i love to dream up new worlds and people. characters that i know i’ll never get to meet but feel so real i swear i could reach out and touch them. some of my stories are thought up in dreams, moments and snatchs of nightmares. others deal with issues I’ve faced in my life.

some are so serious that sharing them seems personal. that being said I’ve shared a story that i wrote in 2005, when i was going through a hard spot in my life and writing was my out. the short story, titled On The Edge, was written when i was in a really dark place and it helped me cope with a lot of the negative feelings i was having.

today i stopped for a moment and tried to figure out why i had decided i wanted to a writer, why that had become my dream, and today for the first time i realized its because it allows me to dream big. its the one creative profession that i have some natural talent at that lets me paint mental pictures. everyone else in my family has something creative that they are good at or at the very least thoroughly enjoy. until now i never really realized that writing was my thing.

because of this i know i’ll never give up this dream, but now i have to decide what i am willing to give up to achive it.

what would you give up to achieve your dreams?



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