The other day I took one of those Buzzfeed quizzes and by the end it told me I was “Crazy Cat Lady Single” and although I know this quiz is meant as a joke, and infact I even laughed at it, after a while it began to sink in that this quiz –like so much of society – seems to rate my life based on my relationship status.
Now, I know that’s taking something that should be a joke a little seriously. But the answer went on to tell me that i had been single for too long, and should probably put on something fancy and go out seeking a mate. Originally, i thought nothing of this, instead I casually agreed with the implication that my single status was my own fault and was also a huge negative.
I began to wonder if being single – at least for females, has always been a negative. I obviously cannot speak for the men out there (or those that identify as anything other than female), but I know that since I hit puberty being in a relationship has been the single most important thing I could ever do (at least according to the world around me).
A little while back an ex that i stopped talking to right after we broke up Facebook messaged me. Aside from being creeped out that he would want to chat given all the crap that went down between us, I became unsettled by the fact that my current relationship status was so important to him. It was only afterwards that I realized that all of the probing questions about if I was seeing anyone were a lead up to his just-moved-in-with-my-new-girlfriend reveal. When I refused to take the bait and talk about my status he got huffy and ended the conversation. Though I cannot say for sure what his motives were, it seemed like he was trying to assure himself that I was the one that would never find anyone better them him. The truth, however, is that I haven’t really been looking. I’ve never felt like my existence depended on if I was with someone or not. (Though I have done tons of stupid shit for love. Guh.)
Being in a relationship is secondary to me, not that the potential partner is, but rather the need to be labeled as single or taken is not important. At least not anymore.
I still date and clearly I still would love to have a partner to while away the hours with, but while I’m single I quite enjoy not having to share my bed, or be woken up by someone else’s alarm. I like to eat ice cream in bed, and not worry that being up late may wake my partner.
Overall being single – for me at least – means that I don’t have to worry about another human being all the time. Not worrying what to have for dinner, or why they didn’t call. I spend my time as I wish. I know good relationships often require mutual compromise and maybe that’s why I’m so hesitant to rush in. I don’t want to spend my time compromising over what take out we should order, or why we never watch Disney movies. I want to spend my time – the little of it that I have as a working student – enjoying time with my friends, eating sushi as often as possible and trying to make it through Skyrim.
Perhaps this seems selfish, probably it is, but I’d much rather enjoy my free time with friends and family then playing the never ending mind games that come with attempting to date.
Perhaps this post is in fact my declaration of my independence from the status quo, I’m single and I like it.
Happy Valentines dear readers, no matter your relationship status – there is someone out there who loves you.
Lots of love