Singledom

Last weekend I did something radical. Well, maybe not radical, but radical for a single girl living in a modern world.

I deleted all my online dating profiles.

Some of them I logged out of, knowing full well I won’t return after a brief frustrated struggle to end my love affair with a computer screen and multiple glasses of wine.

At some point in the last year I realized that online dating was getting me nowhere. That it’s not the way I want to meet the person I fall for because I want that person to be someone I can actually connect with.

This does mean that I’ll have to actually start being social and worse than that, I’ll have to be social while flying solo. It’s hard to put yourself out there in the world, knowing that you could be rejected on sight, but this year is supposed to be about me anyway, so anything else that happens is just a bonus, an extra topping on the sundae that hopefully will be this year.

The pessimistic part of me doesn’t expect for anything to happen this year that hasn’t happened in previous years – that is a short fling with someone I fall for, who is unable or unwilling to share my feelings. I don’t blame them, we don’t always reciprocate feelings, but it doesn’t stop the sting.

So here’s to a year where I celebrate my singledom instead of mourn it. A year of putting myself out there by doing things I love. Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll find someone who wants to do those things with me too.

Best of luck Raindrops.

-Leah

No Time Like The Present

Last year I had some pretty lofty goals. Lose weight, date more, and work towards my dream of writing. For the most part I made a gallant effort towards these goals. I dropped 45 pounds (15 of which I gained back over the Christmas holiday, but the struggle wouldn’t be real if it wasn’t on going), I attempted to date more and realized that I’d much rather be alone than with someone that isn’t my match, and I realized that I miss writing. I miss the imagination and dreams and far flung adventures.

At the same time I realized I had let my one truly freeing creative outlet slip. This blog means more to me then I care to say, and yet for almost a whole year I was so absorbed in trying to be the person I thought I should be that I never stopped to become that person.

So this year’s resolutions are not so different from last year, though they are a little more concrete.

  1. Write more, blog more, and plot more.
    1. I’m going to make a concentrated effort to update this blog at least once a week. As well as writing as often as possible for a personal standpoint. I also want to start carrying around a notebook again. I used to do this when I was younger and it seriously helped me be more creative.
  2. Shed the dead weight.
    1. Time to stop being a passive participant in my weight loss. Unfortunately I looooove food that’s terrible for me, and though I can manage to cut the calories, I also need to start incorporating more physical activity into my life to help the process along.
  3. What’s love got to do with it?
    1. For fucks sake, I need to just start having more fun. I mean, I HATE dating. It’s boring, and there’s nothing fun about awkward times sitting across from someone. I’ll be honest, I give good date. Seriously. I’ve had tons of dates that have lasted 9 plus hours where we still want to have fun, but reality sets in. As awesome as those dates may be, it’s never fun to become the girl that’s fun, flirty and sexy, but not really date material. So, for now, unless someone actively takes an interest in me and my life first, I think this year will be the year I spend more time with myself.

 

Well, that’s the majority of it. I’m sure I’ll revise it soon enough. I’m also thinking of starting a weekly story, where I blog a chapter a week. I’m thinking on Fridays. We’ll see how into that idea I am tomorrow. Hah.

obligatory Instagram pic!

Before the fireworks began

A post shared by Leah Cook (@starryeyedginger) on

Anyways, I hope the New Year is treating all of you Raindrops well.

Till later days,

-Leah

Fixing your life is F*cking Hard.

Well… it’s been a while hasn’t it? My bad (cue awkward blush). The truth is fixing your life is fucking hard. Like really fucking hard.

I guess when I started this whole thing I thought: fix it all at once = saving time. Apparently that is not the case.

The good news is there has been some progress, the bad news is I’ve stalled a little and it isn’t in all areas. Also, I’m sitting in Starbucks right now, and fuck have I missed Starbucks.

So, let’s sum up how things are going so far:

New Year, New You Resolutions:  Let’s see how far we’ve come, sort of.

  1. Date in real life. Give up online dating for a year.
  • This lasted all of a week. Seriously, have you tried to date in Vancouver? It’s might actually, literally be impossible. The good news is I’m dating less creepy people, so that’s good. The bad news I barely date.
  1. Eating: not a rush. Spend time on eating, prepping, making food.
  1. It’s not all Weight. Spend time working on physical self. (get active)
  • Progress: 5% ish. I do yoga sometimes? And that horrible Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, the one where she yells a lot. Mostly I’ve been trying to be active at least 20 minutes every day (and failing miserably).
  1. Brain matter. Spend time working on non-physical self.
  • Well…yes? I have come to accept that there is a lot about my brain that is hard to understand. I’ll always sort of come off as either super friendly and bubbly or a Vulcan/sociopath depending on how close we are. Hint: if you think I’m always bubble, and am nothing like a sociopath, we probably need to hang out more.
  1. The Write inspiration. Focus on writing. More often/more planned.
  • This one I’ve actually started work on. I’ve been trying to figure out how to make money writing and am working on a new project that hopefully will accomplish this.
  1. Love what you have. Explore ways to love what I already have while still dreaming for the future
  • I think I’ve done a mid-level job here. I don’t appreciate all the things I should. I should be thankful that I have a full time job, but I’m unhappy with it, so I’m not. I have learned to appreciate my friends and family more (even if I suck at showing it) and I am thankful for the people that are active members of my life.

Overall progress is shoddy. I haven’t done as well as I hoped I would have by now. But I’ve lost some weight, went from 289 pounds to 247, a whopping 42lbs so far (give or take a few pounds, since I’ve been stagnate for about two months.).

Progress Pic: left to right, 289 lbs body, 250lbs body , 289 lbs face, 250lbs face
Progress Pic: left to right, 289 lbs body, 250lbs body , 289 lbs face, 250lbs face

It’s been surprisingly hard to keep up the progress, I know what I need to do to accomplish my goals but I’m clearly not mentally ready yet. Letting go of old habits are hard and my mind is rebelling.

That said it’s time for Change.

Wish me luck Raindrops. I hope you like the new layout – you can still find my twitter etc. on the link at the top of the page titled Find me Elsewhere.

Till later days,

-Leah

New Year, New You Resolutions.

Hey Raindrops!

I know this post is coming kinda super late, but it’s been a busy few weeks and my attempts to eat healthier take up A LOT of time. But as promised I’m posting a break down of my resolutions and an update on the progress so far.

New Year, New You Resolutions:

  1. Date in real life. Give up online dating for a year.
  2. Eating: not a rush. Spend time on eating, prepping, making food.
  3. It’s not all Weight. Spend time working on physical self. (get active)
  4. Brain matter. Spend time working on non-physical self.
  5. The Write inspiration. Focus on writing. More often/more planned.
  6. Love what you have. Explore ways to love what I already have while still dreaming for the future

Some of these are lofty goals, as I’m sure changing my eating habits and losing weight will take more then 1 year to complete, but really I’m just looking to put a dent in the way I view the world.

For (1) dating I’d like to spend more time doing things I enjoy in public spaces – going to board game nights, coffee shops and books stores – as well as doing things I haven’t done before but would like to try – paintball, more escape rooms, cooking classes – this should help put me out there and give me new or exciting experiences.

(2) Eating and (3) weight kinda go hand in hand. This year I plan to make more of an effort towards being healthy. This will involve a weekly menu, more meals cooked at home and finding something that’s physical that I actually enjoy.

(4) working on myself mentally is the natural follow through of working on my body – I’m going to spend more time on yoga and meditation which is something I let lax, and maybe even find a cause I believe in .

(5) writing will prove more tricky as it Is much harder to set mini goals that are not time consuming. So far writing has proven the most difficult as finding the time to sit and write  feels like time wasted  – which is not true in any way and yet I always feel like there are so many other things I need to do.

(6) I spend a lot of time thinking of the things I want, or the places I’d like to go but not nearly enough time enjoying what I have and being hopeful for the future.  So this year I’m going to reflect on the things I have and take steps to make them more meaningful – such as de-cluttering my space, cleaning out closets and setting firm future goals.

I admit, some of these are lofty goals. they will all take a lot of time and more work then I’ve put into myself in a looooooong time. that said i do think it’s high time i worked on me.

As an added update : I’m down 14 pounds from 289 to 275.2. this is pretty huge news for one month, and i can’t wait to see what happens when i focus more on working out and activities.

Till later days,

-Leah

A little laissez-faire never hurt anyone.

So, in keeping with the desire to better myself I feel before I begin to work on weight loss it would be good to explore what it means to lose weight in a fast paced no-time-to-chat city.

As this holiday grows closer I’ve been reflecting with some coworkers on vacations past. Remember when I started this blog? Probably not, heh, I barely remember. But essentially it was right before I left for Paris. Over the years as I’ve reflected I’ve come to realize that the reason I enjoyed Paris so much was because of its laissez-faire attitude. you don’t grab an espresso to go unless you intend to sit and enjoy it somewhere, and breakfast buns are not stand and eat foods.

Back home, Vancouver, the city seems so faced paced, like if you’re not spending every minute to its most efficient you are not spending it right. Which as an anthropology major and essentially professional observer of people I’ve come to understand that this faced paced way of life is not for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love being efficient. It’s great to be able to use my time wisely, but the difference seems to lay in not using every single available moment in this manner.

Now, you’re probably asking how this relates to weight loss. Well as I see it a good part of my problem has arisen from my need to eat/make food/prep food quickly.  How can we be expected to eat properly when I can’t even take the time to sit down and eat?

To go along with this, today’s  resolution for the new year is to take time to make proper meals, prepare meals and eat and not feel like I’m wasting time by spending the time nourishing my body.

Resolutions so far:

  1. Date in real life. Give up online dating for a year.
  2. Eating: not a rush. Spend time on eating, prepping, making food.

So tell me Raindrops, do any of you have New Year’s resolutions?

Till later days,

-Leah

Reign in the new year

So, to go along with my attempt to reign in the new year (heh) properly, I’ve decided to give up dating…

…sites. Almost had you there? The truth is they’ve done nothing but make me more miserable in the last year. I have spent hours staring at an inbox waiting for replies, or talking to men who turn out to be attempting to catfish me (until I call them out on it).  I used to think that they offered a good alternative to the social bar/club/pub scene. I’m not huge into any of those things. and the thing is, they do. But they also allow you to over analyze a person long before you’ve talked to them, to judge a person on who they are for one moment in time.

The truth is I’m much more lenient on the people I date if I know them first. Looks become less important as there is a shared history, and clever jokes.

That said I’ve had some great dates thanks to online dating, some fun times and memorable stories. But as I race into the new year and approach my 30th birthday I wouild like to date smarter not harder. Online dating requires a commitment to spending time sorting through them messages and matches which I simply don’t want to waste anymore. I mean, if I have to spend hours stareing at a screen I  could at least be catching up on Sleepy Hollow or making my way through the massive game collection I haven’t made a dent in.

So this year I think I’ll branch out, maybe try a singles night or speed dating. Probably just make more of a conscious effort to attend events I like, like board  game nights and fan events.

I’m hoping this focus inwards will help me be happier in the new year, and if I’m lucky maybe it’ll help me complete my other goals as well.

So tell me Raindrops, what are your plans for the new year?

-Leah

Limbo

So I’ve basically spent the last few months trying to figure out what comes next and to be honest it’s left me in a limbo. I found a stable job but long desperately for a career. Obviously I want to be a writer, but these days it’s feeling like I’ve forgotten how to do that. I spend more time staring at a blank screen then I do actually writing.

Honestly it seems harder the longer I’m out of school as any discipline I had towards writing is now replaced by a desire to level up my WOW character and finish all those books/video games I kept putting off for school.

So as the new year approaches I’m going to try to get things in order, so I can start the new year right.

My plan is to create a writing schedule that won’t make me feel suffocated and move some of my current stories to a thumb drive for ease of access. Create a meal and workout plan that’s realistic but hopefully better than the current couch potato method, and create a plan for a vacation, because I have been longing to see the world forever and I think this would be something I can possibly achieve.

Ok, so in the next two weeks I’m going to create this plans and share them here with you in the unrealistic hope that the shame of failure will make me commit to them.

Till later days.

-Leah